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Words of advice from Sayuri!

HOW TO SURVIVE A RELATIONSHIP BREAK UPWhy is a breakup so painful?  A breakup or divorce can be one of the most stressful, traumatic and emotional experiences in life.  The breakup triggers a whole lot of different emotions:  sadness, anger, disappointment, loneliness, confusion, feelings of isolation, fears about the future.  Whatever the reason for the split, all breakups will trigger our emotions.  A break up is extremely painful because it represents a loss:  for some it is not only the loss of a partner, but also of dreams and a commitment you both shared.  When a relationship fails, we experience profound disappointment, stress and grief.  For some, a breakup brings an uncertainty for the future:  What will your life be like without your partner?  Will you find someone else?  Will you end up alone?  For some these unknowns can often seem worse than the unhappy relationship.

Allow yourself time to grieve.  Always remember that grieving is essential to the healing process.  The pain and the intensity of your grief will not last forever and the pain you feel will help you to let go of your ex and move on.  We will all experience a myriad of emotions during this grieving period, such as:  anger,  disappointment, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, loneliness, confusion:  which is normal and should be acknowledged by yourself to help in your healing process.  Do not suppress or ignore any of these emotions because by doing this, it will only prolong the grieving process.  

Here are some things you can do to help you in the grieving process:

  1.  Talk about how you are feeling with your family and close trusted friends.  However, do not dwell on these negative feelings or over analyze the situation, because these feelings of anger, resentment, blame, if lingered upon will have a very negative effect and impact upon you:  it will prevent you from healing and moving forward.  Spend time also, with GOD:  praying and talking to God, asking HIM to heal you and help you to move on .  Forgive your ex partner….. why?   Forgiveness to others who have wronged and hurt us is for our own benefit in order to be able to heal quickly and move on.
  2. Do not allow yourself to get into another relationship soon.  It will only be a “rebound relationship”.  Rebound relationships are never successful because we try to replace our ex with another person.  Instead, surround yourself with supportive and positive friends and go out to exercise, or volunteer your time to help others.
  3. Learn from this breakup and do not gravitate to the same type of individual as your ex partner.  Spend time alone to analyze why you desire the same type of individual and get into relationships with.
  4. Try to practice having positive thoughts daily  and throughout the day.  Memorize positive affirmations and recite them first thing in the morning and throughout the day.  You can recite them in your mind and you do not need to say it out loud.  Read a lot of self help books and remind yourself of all the great things in your life currently and how Blessed you are.
  5. Do all  the things that you love. 
  6. Volunteer  and give back to your community by helping others.  This will take the focus off of you and your break up.  Volunteering always is very rewarding.

(Excerpts from:  Huffington Post, Chatting and Cheating, by Dr. Sheri Meyers)

In this period of grieving, try to examine your relationship history.  Here are some good questions to ask yourself and write out the answers to these questions by Journaling.  Purchase an inexpensive notebook binder and create a Journal so that you can  go back from time to time and re-read your answers to these questions.  May this project into a healing experience by getting to know yourself better and to learn from your past relationship failures and promise yourself never to keep making the same mistakes by being attracted to the same type of partner that really is not suited for you:

  1. What are the patterns that you have observed in your past relationships?  If you can’t see this, ask a trusted friend or relative. 
  2. What was this last relationship like with regard to honesty and your inner feelings?
  3. When you were in this last relationship, did you feel like you could explore your own interests and pursuits?  Did you feel independent or dependent with your partner?
  4. What did you learn from this past relationship that can help you in your next relationship?
  5. What are the values that are important to you?  Both you and your future  partner should share same or similar value systems.  For example:  spiritual issues, regarding religion.

(Quoted from:  Health Resource Center, Caifornia State University, Long Beach, CA)

Hope all this information provided in this article will help all of you experiencing a relationship breakup.  Remember to always say positive affirmations before you start your day, speak “life” into your life, talk to God daily (spend quiet time with God) pray daily and throughout  the day.    Your eyes do not have to be closed to pray and talk to God.   Surround yourself with positive thinking people and get the support you need from close trusted friends and family members.  If need be,  there are support groups in your own community that you can join for more added support  and make new friends  who are empathetic to your grief because they are going through it too. 

Give yourself time to grieve the loss  and  time to heal totally  and then move on.    Always remember that it is normal to be sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, disappointed, confused, resentful, and all the emotions  you are feeling after a breakup.  Most importantly, always know that you are a very special,  precious and valuable  person.   Never ever believe that love hurts because Love never hurts but people hurt us. 

So keep smiling, keep dancing, keep meeting new people on Smeet.  If you see me around on Smeet, please do not hesitate to say hi and if you have any type of relationship questions, please message me in private and I will be sure to answer them in my relationship column.  Until we meet again,  Happy Smeeting to all of you, remember to love one another  and God bless you all!!  <3

SAYURI,  EN Smeet Journalist,  ID#13520497