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Words of advice from Sayuri!

More advice from the EN server's resident agony aunt.Can you relate to this situation?Can you relate to this situation?

TIRED OF HIS WANDERING EYE:

A smeeter described to me an ongoing problem in her relationship:  “I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years.   He always says, “I love you” and we always communicate well with any issue that needs a solution in our relationship.  He, I feel, is better than all of my past boyfriends,  but he always mentions my “jealousy” whenever we have disagreements.  The other night we went out  to dinner to  a very nice restaurant and he kept spinning his head all over the place gawking at the waitresses and women eating in the restaurant.  I noticed him staring at couples too.  We did not talk much the entire time we were at that restaurant since he was too busy looking at other women.  This happens all the time when we are out together in public places such as concerts, restaurants, sports events, etc.   This is truly affecting my self confidence.  We have discussed this problem of his many times in the past and he keeps saying to me that he promises to change.  He has even admitted to me in our past discussions regarding his severely wandering eye --- that he while he is staring at these other women while we are together in public places, he is actually fantasizing having sex with them. 

I feel and have told him every time we have had discussions on this matter that his behavior in my presence is very disrespectful to me and that it is something that no woman in any relationship should tolerate from her partner.   What should I do Sayuri?”

My answer to her:  First of all, you have already mentioned that his habitual behavior of eyeing women even women with a partner, is disrespectful to you.  Not only is he being majorly disrespectful to you but he shows you by his continuous unacceptable behavior that he sees no value or worthiness in you.  Why you have managed to remain with this type of individual is mind-boggling to me.  Many times in such situations, the victim accepts this type of undesirable behavior  due to the great love you have for him.  This great love that you have for him,  prevents you from seeing  how badly he is treating you.  His behavior alone when you are together in public places indicates the type of character he is. 

You are seriously going to have to ask yourself if you are willing to continue to live with this type of degradation.  I would give him one more chance if you feel that he truly will try to change like he promised you he would BUT  if he does this again in your presence:  run away from him as fast as you can and never looking back.  Personally, I would not give him another chance.  Enough is enough.  Continuous behavior of this type by your partner, will surely lower your self-esteem, if it has not already.  This is also a form of abuse, if you have not realized this by now.   Abuse from a partner comes in many types of forms:  such as, physical, verbal, emotional, mental.   There are many good and decent single guys out there who would treasure and cherish you for who you are and give you his full focus/attention whenever you are together in public places and make you feel so loved, appreciated and treat you like a queen.   Never settle for less, but always for the best!

 As I  always mentioned in my Dear Sayuri column, that relationships/marriages are very hard work.  It requires two people to  want to make it work and without the efforts, desire and motivation of both individuals to correct and fix a problem/issue affecting the other partner in a very negative way, the relationship is doomed for failure.   But never give up on love and keep falling in love over and over again.  Always remember that it is NOT love that hurts,  but rather it is the other individual who can not see your value and show you  the respect that you  deserve.

So until the next time,  keep smiling, keep dancing, keep meeting people on Smeet and keep falling in love.    If you see me around on Smeet, please do not hesitate to say “hi” and if you have any type of relationship question, please message me in private and I will answer them in my relationship column.  Always remember to love one another.  Happy Smeeting to all of you and God bless!

SAYURI, EN Journalist, ID#13520497